im random, who are you?

I feel like a little kid and my big brother just stole my last piece of candy.

I have been looking forward to tonight since last weekend. I got all ready. Well sort of. I did my hair. And I’ve been waiting to do my make-up till it was closer to when he was going to come pick me up.

BUT!

I just got a text from him and he’s still at his field trip. Which is at least a 3.5 hour drive away not including any stops they make. Then they have to clean up their equipment. So that’s probably another hour. So he’ll probably make it back to his place around 10:30 - 11:00 PM. No time for me tonight.

I am so disappointed. It was like I was inside this fantastic bubble and it just burst. I am hoping that when he gets back he texts me and is like “do you still wanna come over.” Because that would be the best thing ever.

I wouldn’t be that upset over this if I wasn’t leaving town this Thursday. The only weekend that I’m not in town, he doesn’t have a THING to do. Then the weekend of the 24th, he has army stuff, so he’s going to be busy again. There is a CHANCE that we might hang out for an hour or so on Saturday night. But then again, that’s just a possibility. Just like tonight was a possibility.

Oh how I wish he’d change his mind.

I doubt it though, especially since he just texted me and said, “Skype date later?” lol

Now I’m in a horrible mood. Time to eat some brownies.

there isn’t anything i hate more than playing the waiting/guessing game. it pisses me off. yet i can’t help the fact that i’m in a situation/relationship in which i play this game almost daily.

why? why do i allow myself this torture if i hate it so much?

is it because i secretly like it?

i doubt that.

is it because i like him more than i think?

probably not.

then why? why?!

i don’t know. but i do know that i want to see him. i haven’t seen him in over a week. i’ve barely talked to him either.

i miss him. i miss how much time we used to spend together. i got used to all the time he spent with me over the summer. and now with work and school he barely has time to see me or even talk to me.

i just dont know if i want to be in a relationship where i can’t see the person more than once a week. i definitely don’t know if i can take much longer of not even talking to him. i seriously feel like i don’t even have a relationship with him. i want a relationship. not just some guy i say i’m in a relationship with.

i gave him a week. i didn’t expect any text messages or anything in return. i waited. patiently. did i get let down? no. because i didn’t expect anything, and thats exactly what i got. nothing.

so what do i do? do i continue to not expect any type of communication with him, and go about my life not even knowing when the next time i’ll see him? i don’t call that a relationship. for all intents and purposes, i should be single.

i want to make plans for tomorrow. its labor day. i’m off work & school. i know he’s off too. will he call me? does he want to hang out with me or does he want to skate? he hasn’t even text me today. i like to plan things. i could plan something to do tomorrow, but part of me wants to wait for him.

why? why wait for him?

why am i waiting for a guy to dictate what i’m gonna do in my life? i’m tired of it. i’m just confused. i don’t know how long is too long. last time i felt like i waited too long. i don’t want to wait too long this time.

maybe i will give it another week. this time, i wont text him. i wont initiate any of the communication. and see if he does. if he doesn’t, then obviously we don’t need to be together.

lets hope that he changes. or i dont think i can play this game anymore. i’m already at my limit.

maybe we were better off just as friends. i can be friends. this other bullshit i can’t handle.

i hate when you’re talking to ppl on skype and they say “ok fine have a good life bye”

the whole “have a good life” part slightly disturbs me.

i dont know why either

i just wish ppl would just say bye and cut the extra shit out.

what do you think? am i crazy?

I got so pissed and now I have forgotten why I was even mad in the first place.

Leaves me wondering, is it worth being mad over? It has to be. To make me this mad, it has to be worth being mad about. Right?

I am so pissed that I cleaned my kitchen. I rewashed dishes that were ran through the dishwasher. I swept and mopped my floor. I scrubbed the shit out of my stove. Even removing the electric stove things and washing the metal trays that capture food that falls.

When I get so mad that it makes me clean for an hour like I just did, it has been duly justified as a reasonable reason to be pissed off.

Now If only I grew some balls so I could tell him he was the one that pissed me off.

I tried. Earlier. To tell him. I know people text all the time while others are talking to them but if they’re not listening they do a damn good job pretending. I don’t know. It just really bothers me when he does it.

Its rude. And pisses me off.

Ugh. Am I just over reacting, or do I have a reason to be mad?

I hope not.

Peace & Skittles

she needs to grow her hair and lose the awful, disgusting looking BLUE glasses she is wearing. OMG they are HIDEOUS!!

grr